Why I Left

I am writing this today mostly for myself. I've been struggling lately about the fact that I'm home with no job. Yes, the thought is thrilling, but as the days pass I start to forget why I left and I begin doubting myself. I start feeling useless or even guilty that I'm home. It was a scary step to take considering I didn't know what would come next, but I knew I had to take that step, I knew it was time.

In order to fully express myself here, I won't put a name to this school where I worked. It was late July when I got the job. The timing of my jobs that year were perfect. I graduated in January, substituted at the day care I worked at throughout college for some time, then got a call from the school where I student taught to cover a maternity leave from April to June. I finished right before getting married, went on my honeymoon, and then started the job search once I got back home. It wasn't the ideal "public school teaching" job I was hoping for, but they offered me a position right away and I figured it would serve as good experience for a year and help me get my ideal job eventually.

It was the middle of the summer, so I figured things were out of the ordinary and would get back to normal once the school year started. The school year began and lets just say that within that month I was named the preschool teacher of THREE different classrooms. I let it slide because I thought, "well it's the beginning of the year, kids are still enrolling, and there's a teacher about to go on maternity leave so they're just trying to figure things out". Once I was finally in a classroom for more than 2 weeks I thought, "things will get better". But it didn't.

I quickly learned that this school was more interested in the business than the best interest of the children. There was "quantity over quality" all over in every problem I had with the place. There were days that I would sit in my car during my lunch break and just cry because I was so angry and frustrated. Nothing I said or did would make a difference, because even if the director agreed with me (which she did), she wasn't the one that made those decisions, corporate was.

I began dreading going to work because I didn't know what my day was going to be like. Whether it would be a bad day or an "okay" day. At this point Jon had already given me his "blessing" to quit, but in between thinking of the best interest of my students and fear of feeling like a "quitter" I kept pushing to stay until graduation in June.

I had already made the decision to quit, and there were many reasons and situations that led me to do so, only I had timed it to happen in June. When February came around, my schedule started getting played around with and it started to get ridiculous. While this job was giving us a cushion financially, it became less and less worth it with all the stress it entailed. Many of my co-workers needed their job, but   I was only there because I wanted to put my passion and education to use rather than staying home -- only I was so limited there.

It was time to stand up for what I believed in and I knew it. Rather than just quitting, I came up with a proposal and brought it to the director and business manager. I was more nervous than I was on my interview (and if you know me you know how hard it is for me to speak up). If they accepted I would stay until June, and if not I would hand in my two-weeks notice, which was already typed up and in my purse. Although they agreed that my proposal was in the best interest of the children, it was no surprise to me that they couldn't accept because "corporate wouldn't allow it". So I pulled out my letter and handed it in.

A few weeks later I heard a message about King Saul and David. The pastor was preaching about abuse of authority. Although many christians say "you just gotta put up with it", that's not true. God doesn't leave to you fend for yourself. David did put up with King Saul trying to kill him for some time, but God told him when it was time to "go" and he left.

This message was confirmation to me that I did the right thing. I knew it was time to go. Sometimes the enemy tries to make me think that I was weak, or I wasn't good enough to handle it. Or now that I'm on the job search again I start doubting or feeling guilty that I'm at home while my husband is working. I'm in an odd place now, but I am certain that I made the right decision, and I am even more certain that I had to do it without knowing what would come after because that was the only way I would be trusting God. By the way, God totally blessed us with like 3 more snowstorms as soon as I gave my notice (I say "blessed" because we were blessed financially with Jon working those snowstorms).

So if you're still reading this, thank you. Please pray for me as I continue my job search that I will have peace while I wait and that I will find a job where I can use my gifts and passion for the glory of God.

-Angie :)

Just Do It

It's a little embarrassing to admit that I haven't had much of an exercise habit since before my wedding... which is about to be 9 months ago a week and a half from now. Sure, I had a few days that I decided to do Zumba or yoga in my living room, and the "desire" was there to make it a habit, but it just didn't happen. I can sit here and make excuses that it was my work schedule or that the location we live is pretty much impossible to get around without a car or that we didn't have a membership to a gym, but the reality was that I was just lazy. The idea of having a healthy and fit lifestyle was appealing to me, but I had lost the rhythm of it and I knew it would be work to start all over again.

So about 2 weeks ago, after leaving my job (that's a whole other story) and finding myself at home with not much of a schedule, I decided to take this opportunity to just do it. I confess that my motivation may have started at the mall. I've had my black Nike's for a while, but I wanted something a little more colorful. I couldn't bring myself to buy them since I didn't currently have a use for them... so that day I turned to Jon and told him if I ended up buying them, we had to join a gym. And that's what happened.

We are now members of a gym so close to home that if we didn't live on this busy route we could probably walk to.

Why am I sharing this? Because it's not too late. It's easy to say you're going to start "tomorrow" or "next week" or "next month" but it's hard to actually do it. In my life, this is very similar to the time that I spend with God. Whether it's reading the Bible, praying, devotionals, quiet time, etc. It's easy to dream about having of habit of a devoted time every day, but it's hard to actually do it.

JUST DO IT

That's what I'm telling myself to exercise, and it's actually proven that chemicals release in my body to make me feel good afterwards, making me want to continue.

JUST DO IT

That's also what I'm telling myself to spend time with God. Because a lot of times I'm just distracted by other things and I forget how sweet that time is when I actually do.

JUST DO IT

Because if you wait until you "feel like it" you'll just keep saying "tomorrow", but a lot of times the feeling comes after the action.